Splatoon Raiders - Review

Splatoon Raiders managed the feat of reminding me of how I used to do my maths homework in high school. I'd start with the best intentions, genuinely wanting to see the task through properly… and then I'd get busy with anything except what I'd set out to do.

Leo was generous enough to send me a review code on launch day. The local gods up on Mount CD Media had shown their goodwill. I accepted, knowingly and in the relative fullness of my mental faculties, that I had to finish this adventure splattered with coloured ink, and then write about it as quickly as possible.

But the effect of Splatoon Raiders was to kill my passion for any game for about two and a half weeks. Then I picked up Super Smash Bros. Ultimate again to finish the single-player campaign I'd started back in 2020. After that came another week-long break, and eventually I plucked up the courage to see Splatoon Raiders through. Only this time I enjoyed it so much that I explored the co-op multiplayer section and even sank a few hours into the post-game content. But just before I could claim 100% completion, the remaster of The Witcher 3 turned up on Switch 2 and once again I forgot about my maths homework. Sixteen years on, I'm rediscovering the habit of getting stuck somewhere between hypothesis and proof.

A Game Worth 6.5, with a 4 for Story and a 10 for Gameplay

You could probably say the same about plenty of Nintendo games. Even the Mario series isn't worthy of Tolstoy's descriptive prose or Dostoevsky's psychological analysis. But with the moustachioed plumber I at least always find an undying charm that keeps me glued to the screen, controller in hand. Somehow, Splatoon Raiders managed in its first hour to make me feel too old for this kind of humour, dialogue and situation.

In fact, I have to admit I peeked at the homework written by other games journalists in the parallel classes. And the scores they handed out, which most often land between 8 and 9, made me think there'd been a calculation error somewhere. Either I'm dealing with die-hard fans of Splatoon (a multiplayer series quite popular with teenagers, a rival to Fortnite), or there are motives and considerations at play that I don't understand.

The characters in Splatoon Raiders are uninteresting and downright irritating to anyone past puberty. The dialogue is full of the sort of jokes and attitudes that would struggle to amuse even a 12-year-old in everyday life. Nor do the graphics and presentation manage to entertain a grey-haired veteran who still has memories of SkiFree from 1997.

But the gameplay, gentlemen. The gameplay! It's hard to describe how fluidly and naturally your character moves. The weapons, which come in a variety that includes paint rollers, brushes, buckets and automatic paint-splattering guns, change the experience noticeably and offer several ways of overcoming each challenge.

The accessories tied to each tank type (power, speed, tactical) are magnificent too: from static installations that spray paint over the surrounding area to the spinning top that decimates hordes of Salmonids, every one of these gadgets enriches the gameplay variety.

What's more, Splatoon Raiders rewards you with points and rare artefacts if you have the patience to finish certain levels using different equipment set-ups. And each accessory has its own level, which forces you to use it exclusively if you want to progress. That's why Splatoon Raiders deserves every bit of praise: it delivers relatively short levels that encourage players to experiment and learn new techniques.

Before I get to the story, I want to highlight the way the difficulty adjusts dynamically in multiplayer. You see, certain challenges can give serious trouble to players with no appetite for the grind. So Nintendo Switch Online subscribers can call on other players for help… except that enemy resistance and the force of their blows increase as the team grows. In principle, with three extra players your chances of triumph go up. In practice, though, everyone shares the same limited pool of lives, and one careless or less experienced participant can undo the whole team's efforts.

And yes, Splatoon Raiders can be filed under roguelite, thanks to the RPG system that turns failure into an opportunity to strengthen your hero. Even if you don't finish the challenge, experience points and money can make the next attempt easier. If you feel overwhelmed, a member of the Deep Cut crew, piloting the Exploration Robot, can jump in and help out with bursts of paint. And if you're still too weak, you have the option of buying more suitable accessories or levelling up your standard-issue weapon.

Am I Playing Pikmin, by Any Chance?

In the story's exposition, the colourful characters of Splatoon Raiders fly over the fog-shrouded Spirhalite Islands and are forced to make an emergency landing. The heroes end up stranded on the islands, and have to hunt for resources and treasures that will eventually make their escape possible.

But then again, that's the story of the Pikmin series… and if I think about it a little more, Super Mario Odyssey is also about progressively refuelling a flying ship.

What I'm trying to say is that Splatoon Raiders brings nothing new on the narrative side. Instead it introduces an androgynous character generically named "The Mechanic", the pilot of the Deep Cut crew, whom you can dress in clothes that read as masculine or feminine. They don't really have much personality… any more than Doomguy or the Ranger from Quake do. Everything we learn about The Mechanic reaches us through the supporting cast, in their reactions and their lines.

I played the story through to the end, hoping a pleasant surprise would sneak in somewhere and I'd learn something important about The Mechanic. A twist, a revelation about their origins, a moment of moral ambiguity… anything that might break the monotony. But no such luck: the narrative is clearly written for a very young audience… players who want quick fun without the complications of a tangled story.

About two years ago I monkeyed around for dozens of hours in Super Monkey Ball, and even in a game about a primate collecting bananas, sealed inside a transparent sphere, I found antagonists with a fluid moral compass and pangs of conscience triggered by the discovery of new information. Splatoon Raiders, though, stays consistent across the roughly 30 hours it took me to play through the island-exploring, treasure-hunting campaign.

It felt the same as the first time I watched the Romanian film "Marfa și banii": the opening sets up a promising premise, with a plot that seems to have potential. But after a middle stretch in which nothing much happens, what I'm left with is an unsatisfying ending. The kind of situation that gives rise to the question: "Was that it?"

All the same, Splatoon Raiders comes with the promise of fun gameplay and manages to satisfy the fantasies of any school kid who gets their hands on their first Pelikan inkwell. The action is fluid, the RPG elements and the roguelite approach fulfil their role of keeping you glued to the screen impeccably, and the childish dialogue keeps expectations exactly where they should be.

I'm inclined to give it only a 7, because it failed to inspire me. When I finished Final Fantasy X in 2021, I wanted to start a new magazine just to write about my experiences. Splatoon Raiders made me want to run away from something that reminded me far too much of the maths homework I had at school.

On the other hand, I have to praise the guys at Nintendo for releasing second-tier games among their heavy hitters. Their console ends up with more exclusives for all tastes… an art lost in the mists of time somewhere between the PlayStation 2 and the Xbox 360.

Not every game has to be a triple-A, just as not all adventures have to be about saving civilisation. Sometimes you just want to spray ink to mark your territory. Have you never been in Counter-Strike and wanted to hit the "T" key on every wall to spray your clan emblem, forgetting all about the hostage mission or the C4?

In fact, I think I've found the perfect comparison for Splatoon Raiders: it's the equivalent of Counter-Strike: Condition Zero. A single-player adventure that expands the multiplayer universe. A product aimed mainly at devoted fans, eager to try a less competitive adaptation.

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

‹›

Condition Zero was likewise considered inferior to CS 1.5 and 1.6 matches. But it managed to give the series a new identity, satisfying the appetite for fresh adventures until Half-Life 2 and the Source engine came along.

Perhaps the role of Splatoon Raiders is precisely to consolidate the series, with Nintendo then following up with a genuine AAA.

Q.E.D.: Splatoon Raiders gets a 7, rounded up from 6.8(3) – that is, the average of 6.5, 4 and 10, for anyone who wants to check my maths homework.

Our thanks to CD Media S.E. for the review code and the chance to play Splatoon Raiders.

Played on: Nintendo Switch 2
Release date: 23 July 2026
Developer: Nintendo EPD
Publisher: Nintendo

Splatoon Raiders arrives with the promise of fun gameplay and manages to satisfy the fantasies of any school kid who gets their hands on their first Pelikan inkwell. The action is fluid, the RPG elements and the roguelite approach impeccably fulfil their role of keeping you glued to the screen, and the childish dialogue keeps expectations exactly where they should be.